I’ve been spending a chunk of time on Linkedin for work. I know I am late to the party, but there are so many women writing and speaking about how women can “have it all”. I know we are in a weird spot in time where we need to move things forward, but this idea of “having it all” makes things worse, I think. More stress. More competition. More to-do’s. More juggling. More balancing. More exhaustion. More and more on our lists every day.
How about: “decide on the things that are important and figure out how to build life around them” instead? What does “having it all” even mean and aren’t we passed that yet?
Aren’t we passed the idea that there is an “all” to “have”? How about what makes you happy? What makes your heart sing? What are you doing when all feels right in the world? Can you slowly figure out how to do more of that?
What are you doing that is consistently made up of struggle and overwhelm? Can you slowly figure out how to do less of that?
How about if instead of spending our time creating a life that is based on an ethereal and outdated definition of “having it all” we work on building our self worth so that we can stand strong in being who we are? So that we can make decisions and choices that are best for *us* and *our* lives?
I, for one, am so freaking glad I don’t even know what “having it all” means. Or, maybe I do because I do have it all in my opinion. I don’t have perfection. I don’t have multiple houses, a show worthy car, jewelry, or an impressive shoe collection. I dress my “overweight” body in L.L. Bean shorts, t-shirts, handmade jewelry and don’t wear make-up or have my nails done very often anymore.
What I do have is a life that is so much smoother than it ever was, happy kids, work I love, a family who is madly in love with each other and mostly kind to each other, and rarely a day that I don’t wake up looking forward to.
I have boat loads of privilege but I don’t have unlimited income. We have worked hard for the things we do have- both the tangible things brought from income and the intangible things like emotional health and self-awareness. We have made difficult choices and lots of irresponsible mistakes before life became so much more beautiful (click here to read). We don’t have perfection, though.
Having it all, though? Yeah. I would actually say I do have that. And very little of it comes from work success, income, the car we drive, sleep schedules, the clothes we wear, couples vacations, or “the perfect balance” between work and home life. I have it all because I am happy. And that comes 100 percent from raising my self-worth (click here to read). All the other good things came from that.
I would love to see the conversation change from “having it all” to “having self-worth”. God. If we women did that there would quite literally be no stopping us, I bet.

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