Here’s something I’ve learned about boundaries: if someone has a good handle on boundaries and has them set, it doesn’t matter if you think the boundaries are appropriate. That’s the point. They are their boundaries.
In fact, the more we judge, disapprove of, and try to dismantle those boundaries, the further away from us that person will push. They will include us in their life less. We will not approach the glorious space of intimacy because we cannot be trusted to be respectful, trustworthy, or capable of holding relationship.
It’s a fascinating thing, really. There are all sorts of memes about it and quick one-off thoughts. There is a real disconnection that comes from not understanding and appreciating boundaries, though.
Boundaries and Self-Worth
I’ve noticed that people with higher self-worth tend to hold boundaries. I don’t know which comes first- does high self-worth come from understanding boundaries, or when we have high self-worth do boundaries just come with it? I also suspect people with high self-worth don’t challenge the boundaries of others.
Personally, I find it much easier and safer to be with people who understand and implement boundaries. Not only do these folks appreciate my personal boundaries, but I know them better and better understand how to be in relationship with them because they have their own strong boundaries.
However boundaries come to be, what we do with another person’s boundaries very much determines how well we get to know them- how we get to be in their lives. The more we fight to break through the boundaries of another the further apart we will get, the less we will be trusted, the less we will be invited *in*.
Growing up is tough, isn’t it? 🙃 It’s so worth it though.
Will you share a thought on boundaries in the comments below? It’s so helpful!