I don’t make New Years Resolutions. Each year I choose a word- something to keep in my mind that will improve my life. In the past I’ve chosen words like fun, community, and travel. This year the word I’ve chosen is kind.
In my quest to recover from being a people pleaser I’ve lost some of my kindness. I’m okay with that. It needed to happen so I could learn to be authentic. But it’s time to keep it in my mind again.
This year, in addition to my word, I have a focus. It sounds kind of corny or desperate or something, but it is neither of those things. The focus I have for 2018 is healing.
I think we all have stuff we haven’t healed from. I’ve come to understand the importance of healing in creating the life I want.
I have an anxiety disorder. I’ve dealt with it my whole life. I never took the time or steps to heal from the trauma that’s caused. I’ve never practiced healing from my traumatic pregnancy/cancer diagnosis with Owen 10 years ago or from job loss, or from a having a partner who had to travel so much with two babies at home, or from our move cross-country or from lost friendships or smear campaigns. I haven’t taken the time or actions that are necessary to heal from these things. I haven’t ignored these realities, I just haven’t taken the steps to heal. Without healing, how can I really move forward?
Having an anxiety disorder and choosing to focus on healing this year does not make me weak. Not dealing with them does.
I have watched friends like Tara, Angie, and Jennifer share their journeys publicly. Watching their journeys has had a significant impact on my life. Their journeys have changed me, challenged me, and encouraged me to learn about self compassion.
Sharing something this personal is way out of my comfort zone. But I know the gift I was given by the three women above who chose to share their journeys, so this year I’ll share some of mine. I’ve been told appropriately sharing helps with healing too.
I’m evaluating where I spend my time, which endeavors I continue, and what things bring me peace and joy. I’m taking up new hobbies and bringing back some of my favorites- like reading, writing, and listening to music. I’m moving past my anxiety to connect with people because that fills my soul most of all.
It sounds cheesy, I know. It’s also real.
I know what I’ve achieved in my life before healing. It’s fun to imagine what I’ll achieve after 
❤️
Any resources or insights you are willing to share are welcome! Here’s to a year of kindness and healing!
Author’s Note, August 2022: If you are reading this piece I encourage you to read some of my more recent posts. I was going through/coming out of a mental breakdown when I wrote this. The healing that has happened has been miraculous and made my life absolutely beautiful! I have shared tools and insights that have helped and I would love for you to know of them, too!