We’ve All Fucked Up Other Things I’ve Learned at Midlife

Being younger is awesome; so much hope and potential. Everything is still a possibility.  As we get older  responsibilities pile up. Some of us have kids. Some of us follow a passion. Some of us are kicking ass at our careers. Suddenly we look up to realize we are “midlife”.

As we reflect, we think about all the things we know now that we wish we’d known then. At newly 46, here are some of mine.

Now, I know:

1. When I listen to a person’s story there is no room to judge.
2. It’s okay if someone doesn’t like me.
3. Having a few people who know me, see me, and love me deep down is better for me than being liked by a lot of people.
4. Kids don’t have to go to school.

5. My goal doesn’t have to be a certain car, house, or pair of shoes. It can be happiness, love, and peace.

6. Some people have different sleep schedules.
7. It’s okay if I have a different sleep schedule.

8. I can love someone and not have them as a core part of my life.

9. Gossping says more about the one gossiping than the person being gossiped about.
10. If someone gossips to me about a friend they will gossip about me, too.
11. If I gossip with a friend I am telling them who I am.
12. There is no perfect body.
13. There is no perfect size.
14. There is no perffect shape.

15. If I am not happy with my body the way it is right now, I will never be happy with it.

16. There is always a choice.
17. Some people have fewer choices than others.
18. Practicing a random act of kindness can be an antidote for feeling glum.

19. Most often, I don’t have to explain myself.

20. It’s okay if they don’t know my side of the story.
21. I can chase someone to explain myself and my side of the story and they might not believe me.
22. I can chase someone to explain myself and my side of the story and they might believe me and not care.
23. People will unfriend me. Life will go on.
24. People will be mean. Life will go on.
25. People will say untrue things about me. Life will go on.

26. The Patriarchy is real.

27. Men do not understand.
28. Having a vagina limits my options.
29. I will continue to make grand and hurtful mistakes.
30. Aplogizing and owning my mistakes helps.
31. People might not accept my apology. As long as it was genuine and I’m actively working to do better, I can move forward and release myself from the guilt.

32. We’ve all fucked up.

33. Pretending the past was different or didn’t happen will destroy me.
34. Self-worth is the most important thing I can attain.
35. My worth is not dependent on anything. I am human so I am worthy.
36. Slowing down is good.
37. Learning to say “no” is one of the most important life skills.
38. Saying “yes” even when I don’t feel like it is sometimes exactly what I need.
39. Mental health is more important for my body than following a particular diet.

40. Sleep and bedtime can be blissful.

41. Joyful movement of my body makes me feel good.
42. Arbitrarily restricting food is bad.
43. Everything is a season. If the one I am in is hard, it will pass.
44. I do not want to be extraordinary.
45. Parenting can be peaceful, fun, playful, and connected.
46. Life doesn’t have to be so hard.
47. Mostly, I don’t know.
48. Listening is helpful.
49. Some people aren’t good to listen to.
50. Being curious is better than being accusitory.
51. Being curious is better than being angry.

52. Being curious is better than thinking I know.

53. I can always be a better person.
54. Thinking good thoughts helps.
55. Looking for the good is mostly better than looking for the bad.
56. Action does remove doubt.
57. Most likely I can make things better.
58. I can’t always look on the bright side.
59. It’s good for me to try to look on the bright side.
60. It’s good for me to be real about what’s going on.

61. Engaging is often the answer.

62. Leaving things better than I found them isn’t an action I take for somebody else. It’s something that tells me who I am.
63. There is no such thing as a perfect decision.
64. Two different viewpoints can both be factual.
65. Always and never are rarely truthful.
66. There is more gray than I realized.
67. The people who take the time to see me are a valuable gift.
68. Learning how to think critically brings peace.
69. There is a way to be kind to others without sacrificing my Self.
70. Filling my days with things that make me happy brings happiness to the world.

71. Life will go on until it doesn’t.

72. It really isn’t too late.
73. I am worthy of forgiveness.
74. I am worthy of contributing.
75. I am worthy.

Surely the lessons will never stop coming. I’m sure when I am 90 my list will be far wiser. I wonder if people will listen. Did I listen to the wisdom of those who shared their life lessons when I was younger?

How about you? How old are you and what are some things you have learned? Will you share them in the comments?

Related posts. Click posts title to read:

Life Doesn’t Have to Be So Hard

Finding My Self-Worth is My Greatest Accomplishment

Living Without School and Learning All the Time

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